Earthquake

I leave in search for a new life tomorrow. And I'm scared. No, not just scared...absolutely petrefied. What if I don't get this right? What if it was a mistake? What if things don't go like they were 'supposed' to...

I can't go back to where I came from. Too many memories in that town. Too much of a dead end for me. Too many reminders of a life I led filled with hate, love, abuse and torment. Too much to go back to there where the streets, buildings and people bring back memories of a certain day that I want to forget. Where I drive down a familiar street and have a flashback of an event I wish I never remembered. It's my box where I feel suffocated when I'm there. I can't breathe there. I can't breathe.

I can't stay where I'm at right now. There's nothing for me here. Except the few friends I will always hold dear and always love; there's nothing for me here. Nothing here to help me grow and become a stronger person. Nothing for me to love here and nothing for me to remember here. This town had one purpose for me and that's done. It's time to buy a new frame for that diploma and get out of here.

I have no other choice but to move on. To keep moving forward and find my own way like I always have. I'm going through what I go through every time my life takes a new turn, the anxiety of change. The excitement of what's undiscovered and waiting for me along with the fear of not finding it. I like to describe it as a mini-earthquake. I flow with life and then a mini earthquake happens bringing with it change and for a split second everything falls apart. But then I rebuild stronger than I ever have and move on with more determination that I did the day before.

I know I'll be fine. I'm always fine.

But for the time being, everything is torn apart and I hope that I'm strong enough to put it back together.