I'm FABULOUS!

As I get ready to head out to celebrate a year of getting older with my friends who will not be in my company on Sunday, since I will be at The OC celebrating it on the beach with 6 other friends, I wanted to take this moment to thank my Mother and Grandmother for their gene pool. This has allowed me today to wear that hot lacy top with a hot skirt in my size 4 figure which I will flaunt today. I mean how many times will I be able to say: I am in my early thirties and I look like *THIS*. I mean DAMN!

So thank you Mom and Grandma for the looks. Thank you Grandma for the thick wavy hair which I can blow dry straight. And another Thank You to my Mongolian genes, courtesy of Grandpa (God bless his soul), which has kept people guessing about my ethnic background. (Recent guess from someone was Egyptian).

So Thanks to the Afghani and Mongol in me which makes me the sexy bitch that I am.

I Love You Rubina

Me: I'm not going to go in the water.
Rubina: What? No water? Is it illegal?
Me: No. It's filled with fish.
Rubina: Have you ever gone in the water.
Me: When I was younger. I don't want to do it now.
Rubina: You'd blow up like a fish.
Me: Yes. Then I will be swimming with the fishes. Speaking of, I should pack Benadryl.
Rubina: I do a lot of reading on the beach. I look like a beached whale. A happily beached whale.
Me: Yea, that's what I was thinking.
Rubina: That I probably look like a beached whale?
Me: No. Of reading.
Rubina: I would have to smack you as soon as I saw you tonight if you meant the whale thing.

...

my head FVCKIN' hurts!

...

Dear God,

tonight, after a very long time, i'm going to pray. i hope You listen. i hope You understand. i hope You are there. i hope You can hear me. i hope You can help me. i hope You haven't forgotten me.

Your ever humble servant,

me

Awkward Moment

Me: Bikini Atoll is uninhibited by people.
Josh: WHAT! You mean uninhabited by people.
Me: *GASP* I can't believe I just said that!
Josh: That's the weirdest Freudian slip I've ever heard.

Simple Pleasures

I can now take my laptop with me anywhere. I can work on anything from anywhere. I can sit anywhere in D.C. and not worry about internet connectile dysfunction issues. I have Verizon Wireless. Sometimes the most simple things in life can make me so happy.

Random Of the Day

"Do we know any gay Indians?"
--text from Josh--

...

"I can always tell your state of mind by the state of your room."
--Sarvat--

I find that these days no matter how hard I try, I can never keep it clean.

Nepali Mafia

"ngorkhaly (+ 39 guests)
i hate you and all your family"

(I love this response. It's so Neeraj to reply like that to the invite to Madiha's brothers' birthday party. The Nepali Mafia. Gotta love him.)

Because I Don't Wanna

I'm home today. Not at work. Still in my pajamas. Had Thai food for breakfast. In no hurry to go anywhere. I'll shower when I feel like it. I'll go for a tutoring session with Josh when I feel like it. I'll take a nap when I feel like it. I'll watch T.V. when I feel like it (watching Colbert Report re-run right now). I will do whatever I want today. It is a weekday and I want to be home. Because I feel like it.

The End.

Edna

Me: I was at your place today. Your cat wouldn't leave me alone. I think your cat loves me because I'm the only female she's come in contact with this summer.
Tom: That would probably be true.
Me: What's her name?
Tom: Edna Dakota-Chloe VonKittenburg
Me: Seriously?
Tom: Yes. She also has a profile on facebook. Look for Edna in my friends' list.

Apathy. Selfishness. Vulnerablility

I look at their pictures. I smile; genuinely happy for them. Happy that they had their day and happy to see the familiar faces I had known all my adolescent life. Then I wonder if I'll ever have that. I wonder if they will ever dance and laugh like that with me. Then the smile disappears and I find my feelings turning into apathy so that I can prepare myself for what I am about to feel next. I stop the soft, sweet and genuine feelings I had a second ago. I stop staring and I stop smiling because in the back of my head I know; I probably might never have that. I'm not as lucky as them. I never was. I have shame for feeling the way I feel but at the same time I can't help myself. I feel guilty and self-centered for being happy for someone one minute and then thinking of myself in that situation the next. I find myself putting on an apathetic front in order to not feel any emotions. I feel numb after I'm finished looking at their pictures. I almost feel not human. I feel so numb. I wish I could allow myself to be vulnerable to the situations around me. I wish I could not feel so guilty about just being me; when it comes to my emotions. I wish I could just let go. I wish I could share it with someone who would understand. Not even understand; just emphasize. I wish I could be vulnerable and allow myself to open up to someone fully where I didn't have to worry about what they'd think of me afterwards. I wish I could just let myself feel. I wish I could share myself and that part of myself openly and freely instead of putting up this wall where I have to hide my feelings or else I'll break. I wish I didn't have to put up this strong front all the time. I wish I didn't have to keep my composure all the time.

I wish I could be vulnerable.

...

I can't wait till this summer tan goes away. I hate that I have this ability to just get darker and darker when I'm out in the sun. I look like a charred turkey. I hate my face. I hate the way I look. I feel so ugly. I hate years of brainwashing in hearing that lighter is more beautiful and that I'm uglier when I'm darker. They have no idea how many times I've been called the ugly ducking because of this darkness. Others see a nice tan; I see ugly. I look ugly right now. I hate what I see when I look in the mirror. I see an ugly duckling. I've always been the ugly duckling.

I Miss You Mairin

Dear Mom:

If I am writing you this letter, that means its time. Time for me to go home after what has been an absolutely AMAZING experience. But I could not leave without telling a certain someone how much she means to me. In ease you were wondering, that's you!!!

Truly, what in the world would I have done without you this summer? The real answer is I would have survived. But what is survival if you have no one to share it with ? And I am so blessed to have been able to share this summer with you. Sasha, you are the definition of a true friend. I knew the minute that I stepped off the metro on that first day at Union Station and saw you standing there. I knew it was going to be a great summer. But I also knew that saying goodbye to it and you was going to be so damn hard...I was right.

The positive side to all of it is that we have so many good memories together that we would never have had otherwise. Lets take a trip down memory lane. How about Jumbo Slice pizza at 3am? Or maybe eating Duangrats together at LEAST once a week becuase yes, the flavorful food is addictive. Next we have taking LOTS of pictures with Heidi in front of monuments and going to the bars with her and Linds, where we could always count on the godfather to keep the guys away. Speaking of guys, how about that night at Gazuza..."I can make you fall in love with me in five minutes, I swear." oh haha and how could I forget, that was also the night we met Mr. "No Dice Tonight". Wow! Gazuza was full of creepers that trip. And WHO could forget our date to Harry Potter (we have pictures to prove it). More recently there is also the picnic in front of George's House and one last meal at Duangrats...my my, we have had quiet the summer together.

As I leave you to go back to good ol' Michigan, I want to make sure you remember a few things we discussed this summer. First of all, you are an amazing woman. Your strength leaves me speechless sometimes; I don't know how you get through it. But the important thing is that you do, and that you will always have me around when you feel like you can't. I am in constant awe of your beauty and grace, but what amazes me most about you is your heart. No matter how many times it is bruised, battered and broken, it is still bursting with love. And that, my darling, is the meaning of a good friend, a good mentor and a beautiful soul. I am going to miss you so much...I cannot begin to tell you how much my heart hurts at the thought of leaving you. But what makes it feel better is that I will see you again.

I love you Mom, from the very bottom of my heart. Please don't ever forget that...Thank you for everything.

Love Always,

Your Baby