I know...

I've become incredibly stuck up. I'm still the same me. I just don't feel like giving right now and am in my own world and don't want to be everyone's 'wonderwall' like I have been in the past. I am emotionally exhausted and don't feel like giving. So right now my warmth is gone. My emotions are drained and one will not find the 'sisterly love' that they are looking for with me. They will find an impatient, bitter, bitchy, in a hurry, selfish, to the point blunt woman right now. And I'm fine with that. I don't owe anyone anything right now. I don't do anything I don't want to do right now. I don't feel remorse right now. I don't feel warmth right now. I don't feel cozy and butterflies in my belly right now. I don't feel like I have to please anyone or am responsible for making anyone smile right now. I don't babysit right now. I am not the sister that people should turn to for advice right now. I am not the sweet person that will guide people right now. I am not the sunshine in anyone's life right now. I am not the warmth that people will seek right now. I am not the sweetness that will genuinely talk right now. I am just...blase. I'm just trying to make it through today. I'm just trying to figure out what I need to do tomorrow. I'm just trying to live. And if people *do* try to talk to me about *their* stuff...I find myself getting annoyed and losing patience. Because I don't want to deal with THEIR life or THEIR emotions or what's bothering THEM...because right now I'm trying to deal with what's going on with ME...and trying to keep MYSELF happy. I'm trying to NOT be sucked in that hopeless pit where I find out that I'm literally losing hair. That I have that restless feeling that won't go away. Where I worry about stuff for no reason. Where I am walking around my earthquake and I can't put things back together. I am trying so hard to take it one day at a time that if someone even TRIES to put anything negative towards me, even if its about THEM, it makes me lose my patience. I don't have time for this. I don't have time to sit and babysit ANYONE. I just want to enjoy myself. I just want to be satisfied with my day. I just want to get through a day. I just want to be...

just let me be.

I don't feel like giving. I've been giving for a couple of month now and it got me nowhere. I am drained. I don't feel like giving anymore to ANYONE. I am being selfish and being stuck-up and being snotty. YES. I know. I am being arrogant. And I don't care. Other people do it to me all the time. It's about time I give the same attitude back.

Leave me alone. I don't want to hear about your issues. I have enough of my own.