One Republic

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
I'm gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, You don't need...

What you need, what you need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
And I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see...

Advice of the Day

1) Take risks;
2) Don't be afraid to take a step back in your career if it will help you move forward in the long run;
3) Surround yourself with good people and give them credit;
4) Little things really matter; and
5) Integrity matters more than anything else.

--John Roos--

“Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters”

--William Curry--

Dear God-- I Hope You're Right!

"Verily, with every difficulty there is relief" -Al-Qur'an[95:6]

Mountain

Mountains

To see mountains in your dream, signify many major obstacles and challenges that you have to overcome. If you are on top of the mountain, then it indicates that you have achieved and realized your goals. You have recognized your full potential. Alternatively, mountains denote a higher realm of consciousness, knowledge, and spiritual truth.

To dream that you are climbing a mountain, signifies your determination and ambition.

--I dreamt that he and I were climbing a mountain together--

Positive of the Day

I just want you to never forget how special you are. You make an impact on ever person you meet. Don't let people walk all over you. You are one tough cookie!

Love,

E

Letter to God for 2009

Dear Allah,

I pray to You for my success with the love of my life and with work. Please bless me with a happy and healthy future with him and healthy children and a good job and a good life...where we can take care of our children in the future and make them successful and good human beings who will also pray to You. Please bless my family and friends and give them all good health and success in their lives also. Thank you for listening.

Your ever humble servant,

Me

Employment

Emotional Roller Coaster.

Can I PLEASE have some consistency.

Here we go AGAIN.

FUCK.
FUCK.
FUCK.

Classic Quote of the Night

"I always wanted a soldier in my family, I just didn't know where to find one."
--Mom, on the phone with Andrew--

Some People are just Ignorant Pieces of Shit

Her: Now do you have family still in Pakistan?
Me: Yes…I do. My extended family…Great-Aunts and Uncles.
Her: You could take Andrew to Pakistan and…
Me: Actually…Andrew won’t be able to go with me, and neither will I if I get a job with a security clearance…but the only reason I’d go back...
Him: To investigate your family?
Everyone: *nervous laugh*
Me: *split second of shock*
Me: No…the only way I’d go back is to visit my favorite Great-Aunt who is very sick..and if I find out that Godforbid she has passed, then I’d go visit.
Everyone: *nodding their heads*
Me: Excuse me, I’m going to see what’s on T.V.
Me: *thinking* WOW…did he REALLY just say that?



Why don’t you *REALLY* say what you think when you look at me. You see a brown girl who might be a terrorist or have family members who are in the Taliban, don’t you? You are nice to me to my face, but you make a ‘joke’ on *MY* family’s expense…ESPECIALLY after you just ate the food I had cooked. You ate my food and you insult my family in the same night.

You_are_a_piece_of_shit!

I hate you … I hate you … I hate you.

Move Over Brad and Angelina

Me: Shandrew...
Him: Could be worse.....Khaylor, Saylor, Than, Ansha, Ahan, Khandrew --of course any kids we had would be Norwisholiutchistani.

Love of your life

He called me the love of his life.

Dear R; my sister from another sperm,

I miss your company and LOVE that you take time out in your hellishly busy work schedule to surprise me at cigar night ... even if its for 5 minutes. We'll be there again this Friday night and next Tuesday night. If you can stop by and surprise me again, well that would be LOVELY!

I love you my friend.

Very much.

Love,

Me

Update

Haven't written in a long time. Between job hunting and being a good girlfriend, I have been ignoring my blog. Yes, you all probably didn't think that would happen since I used to post here a lot. But you see, this blog was a venting post for me and I would write my feelings here; whether they were about life in general, heartbreak, letters to God, job hunt hell. Whatever was bothering me I would post up here.

Now.

I am happy in my relationship and love him to pieces and am happy to be with someone who gives me back the same emotion that I give out to him. I want to have 4,000 babies with him and want to grow old with him.

My only issue right now?

I'd love a permanent stable job. I hate how my professional life in DC has been so incredibly rocky since I moved here. I am temping right now and working with three placement agencies to find a permanent job. Finding a job is a full-time job.

I'm still thankful for the money I get from temping. I am thankful that I have a place to live and food in my belly. I am still thankful to God for the basics in my daily life.

I would just love to have a stable job and would love to find out what the check-engine light means on my car without being charged an arm and a leg.

So you see, my dear readers: I no longer cry over a broken heart. He came in my life and healed me and saved me. He tells me I saved him. I think we saved each other and found eachother at a time when we were ready and open to love.

I am ready and open to a job. InshAllah, that too will come.

God will provide.

I Love You Too

Him: *talking about the elections*

Me: *smiling at him nodding*

Him: *talking aboutVP picks*

Me: *still smiling at him*

Him: *talking about upcoming conventions*

Me: Babe?

Him: Yes...

Me: You can go on and on and keep talking about all this crap...but I'm just sitting here smiling and fawning over you and I have butterflies in my belly and all that heart and floofy shit with rainbows all around me.

Him: So what you're saying is that you stopped listening a long time ago.

Me: *nods*

Him: I love you too.

Ode to Andrew

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

--Pablo Neruda--
XVII ( I do not love you... )

Realize

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
You know it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,
You know it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realized what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
Then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other but.

It's not all the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

If you just realize what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder

Just realize what I just realized

If you just realize what I just realized

--Colbie Caillat--
"Realize"

Happy Birthday Love

Happpy burrrrthdayyy tooo youuuu
Happpppy burrrrrthdayyyy tooooo youuuuuu
Happppy burrrthdayyyy to my hunka-hunka-burning-luuuuuuuv
Happpy burrrrrthdayyyyyyy toooooo youuuuuuuu!

I wish I were...

Anyone but me.
Anywhere but here.

I'll (still) Melt With Him