Love of your life

He called me the love of his life.

Dear R; my sister from another sperm,

I miss your company and LOVE that you take time out in your hellishly busy work schedule to surprise me at cigar night ... even if its for 5 minutes. We'll be there again this Friday night and next Tuesday night. If you can stop by and surprise me again, well that would be LOVELY!

I love you my friend.

Very much.

Love,

Me

Update

Haven't written in a long time. Between job hunting and being a good girlfriend, I have been ignoring my blog. Yes, you all probably didn't think that would happen since I used to post here a lot. But you see, this blog was a venting post for me and I would write my feelings here; whether they were about life in general, heartbreak, letters to God, job hunt hell. Whatever was bothering me I would post up here.

Now.

I am happy in my relationship and love him to pieces and am happy to be with someone who gives me back the same emotion that I give out to him. I want to have 4,000 babies with him and want to grow old with him.

My only issue right now?

I'd love a permanent stable job. I hate how my professional life in DC has been so incredibly rocky since I moved here. I am temping right now and working with three placement agencies to find a permanent job. Finding a job is a full-time job.

I'm still thankful for the money I get from temping. I am thankful that I have a place to live and food in my belly. I am still thankful to God for the basics in my daily life.

I would just love to have a stable job and would love to find out what the check-engine light means on my car without being charged an arm and a leg.

So you see, my dear readers: I no longer cry over a broken heart. He came in my life and healed me and saved me. He tells me I saved him. I think we saved each other and found eachother at a time when we were ready and open to love.

I am ready and open to a job. InshAllah, that too will come.

God will provide.

I Love You Too

Him: *talking about the elections*

Me: *smiling at him nodding*

Him: *talking aboutVP picks*

Me: *still smiling at him*

Him: *talking about upcoming conventions*

Me: Babe?

Him: Yes...

Me: You can go on and on and keep talking about all this crap...but I'm just sitting here smiling and fawning over you and I have butterflies in my belly and all that heart and floofy shit with rainbows all around me.

Him: So what you're saying is that you stopped listening a long time ago.

Me: *nods*

Him: I love you too.

Ode to Andrew

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

--Pablo Neruda--
XVII ( I do not love you... )

Realize

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
You know it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,
You know it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realized what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
Then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other but.

It's not all the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

If you just realize what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder

Just realize what I just realized

If you just realize what I just realized

--Colbie Caillat--
"Realize"

Happy Birthday Love

Happpy burrrrthdayyy tooo youuuu
Happpppy burrrrrthdayyyy tooooo youuuuuu
Happppy burrrthdayyyy to my hunka-hunka-burning-luuuuuuuv
Happpy burrrrrthdayyyyyyy toooooo youuuuuuuu!

I wish I were...

Anyone but me.
Anywhere but here.

I'll (still) Melt With Him

Today I feel...

in·se·cure /ˌɪnsɪˈkyʊər/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[in-si-kyoor] –adjective

1.	subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured: an insecure person.

Jeg elsker ham.

Jeg kan ikke leve uten ham i mitt liv. Jeg kan ikke sove uten ham. Jeg elsker begynner endelig ved siden av ham. Jeg elsker ham. Jeg elsker elsker elsker ham.

...

hey,
dont write yourself off yet.
its only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.

just try your best, try everything you can
and dont you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

it just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.

hey,
you know they're all the same.
you know you're doing better on your own, so dont buy in.
live right now
yeah, just be yourself.
it doesnt matter if it's good enough for someone else.

it just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
everything will be just fine, (hear me?) everything will be alright.

hey sasha,
dont write yourself off yet
its only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
just do your best, do everything you can.
And dont you worry what the Bitter hearts are gonna say

it just takes some time, you're only in the middle of the ride,
everything will be just fine.


i wish you peace of the heart, mind and soul.

-A-

"What Doesn't Kill You Only Makes You Stronger."

I hate that cliche so much! I hate it more than anyone can imagine. That sentence shows me that the person saying it to me OBVIOUSLY lacks empathy and doesn't know me and has NO fuckin' clue as to HOW strong I am, or WHAT life experiences I've had that have made me what I am today.

I am strong enough, thank you very much.

All I want is a 'That sucks' or 'Sorry to hear that.'

There's NOTHING anyone can do when it comes to anything that I am dealing with in my personal life. When there's no wind; I row. I make my own way and I somehow, someway just get shit done. That's why I don't walk around sharing things with just anyone. Some are so fuckin' stupid and ignorant that they don't realize that this one STUPID sentence is the WORSE thing you can say to someone. This sentence is insulting to me.

After I hear that sentence, the ONLY response that comes in my head is: I say this with no remorse whatsoever; Go fuck yourself.

Classic Quotes of the Day

"I love how Andrew is wearing his Israeli Counter-terrorism tee-shirt in D.C., walking around with his Muslim girlfriend."
--Jason--


"I am watching 'Indepedence Day'. The aliens just struck the White House and fire engulfed the Capitol Building. I started to get worried since I haven't heard from you since yesterday and your apartment is right around the corner. Then I realized that you are probably at Andrew's place ... and aliens don't care about Cincinatti."
--Eric--

Reality

I wanted to tell her that if she applied for the US Government, where she is currently interning might be used against her. Then I realized that it wouldn't be an issue like it was for me.

She's white.

It sucks being a brown girl in DC.

Song of the Day

Love

To love and to be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.

Worth the Wait

Its amazing how one sentence made me realize that all this crying and waiting and hoping and praying was worth it. He was worth the wait. He makes me feel exactly how I had always wanted to feel. He tells me he appreciates me. He tells me I'm so good to him when in fact, he's the one who brings out that side of me. Its he who is good to me and makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful and the most luckiest woman on this planet. I am the luckiest woman on this planet. I have found a man who tells me that I am a part of him.

I am a part of him.

Nobody has ever said that to me...ever. If he never whispers another sweet word to me again, it will be okay because that one sentence will keep me going.

Classic

...And That's Why

After an evening of emo-talk courtesy of yours truly, he turns to me and says, "Lets think ahead babe. I mean, do you realize how awkward its going to be on Saturday when you and I are walking around Target holding a bag of diapers?"

That was so unexpected that I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

He has the most unusual way of making me feel better and making me laugh out loud after I've been crying. That...along with zillions of other reasons...is why I love him.