i think i can...

i feel so *ugh* that its coming out in the form of a headache and a fever.
i guess it's back to square one.
i will be better than i was before.
i will not let this failure break me.
i will get up tomorrow and keep trying.
i will have a great weekend.

now if only i can believe what i just said...

Planetarium

I went to Einstein Planetarium at the National Air and Space Museum today. I haven't been to a planetarium in years. I was giddy as heck until the woman at the ticket counter asked 'How many people?" and I said, "Just me please."

She gave me almost a sympathetic smile.

And for a split second I wish I had someone to share this with. As I entered the planetarium I realized that I'm glad I'm doing this on my own. I love being able to walk to whatever site I want to see and it doesn't matter that I've already been there a gazillion times. Nobody to say 'You wanna go there AGAIN????" I love that I can get up whenever I want and have my coffee and get ready on my own time. I love that I have nobody's thoughts but mine. I love that I am in a city where everytime I go out, I feel rejuvinated and excited about what the day will bring.

I loved my day walking around the Smithsonian and going where ever my feet took me.

Failure

"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
--Churchill

Settling in

I absolutely love this city. In case you hadn't read from the previous posts. I love this city but I love it even more now that I'm here. It still hasn't really hit me that I live here now. I haven't had that "realization" the way my brother did when he was driving on the Ohio Turnpike on the drive here.

"Whoa! I just realized that 6 hours ago I was in the west coast and now I'm driving through Ohio!"

That "whoa" hasn't happenend to me yet. I guess its because I've been to DC so much this year that it's just a natural transition. I like my new roomate. She's a wonderful person and I'm so glad that I live with her.

I love DC. I love God for blessing me with this opportunity.


I am truly blessed.


Oh, and seeing the non-stop Capitol Police cars on my way to my metro stop everyday is also a plus!

New Chapter: August 2006

I started my first day of packing for DC on Sunday with the song "These Are The Days" by 10,000 Maniacs. It took me 3 hours to figure out where to start the process of ending another chapter in my life in Michigan. I started where we had started 2 years ago. The fridge magnets. I found myself getting emotional when I thought of how we had cut out a logo of my sister-in-law's community college because we couldn't find a magnet at the bookstore. We glued the logo on the fridge along with my school's magnet and my brother's law school's magnet. Then we put up the board by the entrance talking about how we'll post our class schedules there and write notes to eachother about our whereabouts. Then we put up the board in my room where I first taped the comic my Mom had given me the morning I was leaving for Michigan two years ago on August 14, 2004.

I now empty the room I have known for the last two years. I can't wait to get new things for my room in DC. I can't wait to change the color scheme for my room. I can't wait to hang new pictures on the wall. I can't wait to see what new adventures will await me in DC to help me grow more than I already have in the last two years away from Arizona. I leave for DC hopeful. I leave this town with new lessons to remember in the future. I feel content with myself right now. I am going to DC to live the life I have always wanted to live.

God help me in my endeavors.

Ecoute

Attends attends mais qu'est ce que tu croyais ?
Tes conneries c'est fini, c'est bon, stop!
Tu m'as compris? stop!
Je t'avais prévenu.

On m'a dit que les histoires d'amour finissent mal en général.
J'ai mal car je pense à toi malgré mon ego de squall.
Banal j'ai joué les durs
Mais rien ne va plus
Je dors plus
Je mange plus
Je m'amuse plus
Je ris plus
Je mords plus
Rien ne m'excite plus
Je suis aigri
Et en plus, je bédave plus
Reviens

Ecoute reviens dans ma vie
Cessons les cris, encore un essai
Pardonne moi
Pourquoi me laisser?
Oh baby love, vois au delà
Doudou retiens ton envie
Cessons les cris encore un essai
Pardon pardon faut pas me laisser
Oh baby love, vois au délà

Je débarquais foncedé
Deux ans que j'abusais trop
Ca m'amusait
Elle a beau crier et user ces mots
Ces copines m'assassinaient c'était pas le moment
Elle a écouté les ragots
S'est vengée calmement
(Je t'avais prévenu)
Nouveau taf
Et changement de domicile
Elle rentrait tard
On s'embrouillait des heures au bout du fil
Maintenant on se fait du mal
Et la haine s'en mêle
Le soir elle se fait la malle
Où t'es partie ma belle?
Il est minuit elle est pas chez elle
Et y a pas de nouvelles
Deux heures y a pas de pas chez elle
Et toujours pas de nouvelles
Trois heures "allo?" (appel sur phone tel)
mais personne répond, j'imagine le pire
Elle à l'hôtel
Ma haine s'étend
Guerres de cessations, scission
J'ai pas saisi
Les images filent dans ma tête
C'est les quatre saisons
En hiver (avec ou sans lui)
Je ravive le feu
Printemps été automne instants
Parler futur à deux

(Je t'ai dit stop)

Oh baby love oh baby love...
Vois au delà
(Oui je t'ai aimé comme une folle
J'étais prête à tout)

Payer le prix
Je suis prêt à tant de sacrifices
Mon coeur est vide,
Avide de plaisirs
Si l'amour est cet objet qu'on appelle cadenas
Toi t'as avalé la clé
Et sans toi je fais quoi?

Ooohhh comment comment comment
Comment rester sans toi?
En été comme en hiver
Comment comment comment
Comment...
Vient dans mon univers..

Ecoute reviens dans ma vie
Cessons les cris, encore un essai
Pardonne moi
Pourquoi me laisser?
Oh baby love, vois au delà
Doudou retiens ton envie
Cessons les cris encore un essai
Pardon pardon faut pas me laisser
Oh baby love, vois au délà

--Passi

Ode to the Metro

I love the D.C. Metro. I rode the metro around town like a pro. I felt like such a typical 'Washingtonian' and found myself looking at the people visiting D.C. with their cameras and smirking to myself saying "Tourists!" and walking fast from one place to the next like everyone around me. Nobody could tell that I was a visitor. I simply blended in like the rest. I can't wait to be a full-time 'Washingtonian." Someone asked me "Why D.C.?" and I said "Well...in the U.K., I left my heart in Dublin. In the U.S. I left my heart in D.C."

p.s. my new residence is the Capitol South stop on the Orange Line.

New Chapter

I got a place to live. It's in a cute rowhome two blocks from the U.S. Capitol. I can't wait to move there. The area is NICE and SAFE with the Capitol Police everywhere. I can't wait to move in to my new room. It's my first apartment hunt on my own. I'm so pround of myself. I can't wait till my new chapter.

Rain

I walked in a rain storm in D.C. today walking back from the Metro by the Capitol. I was soaked and I loved it....loooooooooved itttttt.

Apartment hunting alone in D.C.

"Well you've got *some balls* doin' all this on your own!"
--D.C. Resident

ugh!

headache!

Storm

You're like a storm. When you love, it's with everything you've got. When you hate, nobody can say or do anything to change your mind.
--Majid

Earthquake

I leave in search for a new life tomorrow. And I'm scared. No, not just scared...absolutely petrefied. What if I don't get this right? What if it was a mistake? What if things don't go like they were 'supposed' to...

I can't go back to where I came from. Too many memories in that town. Too much of a dead end for me. Too many reminders of a life I led filled with hate, love, abuse and torment. Too much to go back to there where the streets, buildings and people bring back memories of a certain day that I want to forget. Where I drive down a familiar street and have a flashback of an event I wish I never remembered. It's my box where I feel suffocated when I'm there. I can't breathe there. I can't breathe.

I can't stay where I'm at right now. There's nothing for me here. Except the few friends I will always hold dear and always love; there's nothing for me here. Nothing here to help me grow and become a stronger person. Nothing for me to love here and nothing for me to remember here. This town had one purpose for me and that's done. It's time to buy a new frame for that diploma and get out of here.

I have no other choice but to move on. To keep moving forward and find my own way like I always have. I'm going through what I go through every time my life takes a new turn, the anxiety of change. The excitement of what's undiscovered and waiting for me along with the fear of not finding it. I like to describe it as a mini-earthquake. I flow with life and then a mini earthquake happens bringing with it change and for a split second everything falls apart. But then I rebuild stronger than I ever have and move on with more determination that I did the day before.

I know I'll be fine. I'm always fine.

But for the time being, everything is torn apart and I hope that I'm strong enough to put it back together.

HAHAHA

Dear You,
You are a stupid stupid stupid girl.
Love,
Me

Break

"Break your own heart before they break yours."
-Mom

Letter to self

Everything will fall in place at the appropriate time. You made it this far, you will continue to go farther. Everything has to happen when it's supposed to happen. No need stressing over things/situations that will turn out fine.

Everything will be alright.

God has put you in situations you've handled before. I know you can handle this also.
You are truly loved and blessed. Thank God for every single day and have faith in Him.

Breathe.
Just breathe.

God loves you and with Him and Mom on your side, you can handle everything.

Gift

You've no idea how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You.
Nothing seemed right.
What's the point of bringing gold
to the gold mine, or water to the Ocean.
Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the Orient.
It's no good giving my heart and my soul because you already have these.
So- I've brought you a mirror.
Look at yourself and remember me.

--Jalaluddin Rumi

Mango

"It has a weird after-taste which makes the roof of my mouth itch."
--My brother, on why he doesn't like eating mangos.

Nefertiti

"She pure of hands, Great King's Wife whom he loves, Lady of the Two lands Nefertiti, may she live. Beloved of the great living Sun Disc who is in jubilee..."
--Text from the colonnade of the 'Mansion of the Benben-Stone'