Poem

Roses are red,
But your favorite is yellow.
Your stare makes my insides
Turn into Jell-O

--Tom--

Thank You

For being my friend. Not my friend, but my sister.
For all the times you have sat with me and listened to me.
For all the times you have never criticized me one bit for anything.
For all the times you have simply said to me, "I understand."
For all the times you call me Janna.
For all the time you take out of your day to meet me for a cup of coffee.
For all the times you have not gone home after work and stayed out with me because I needed to talk to you.
For all the times you have read what I wrote and really understood why I wrote it.
For all the times you have told me that I wasn't insane for what I was thinking at any given time.
For all the times you have shed a tear with me when I've cried.
For all the times we have laughed until out bellies ached and we couldn't breathe.
For all the times your funny spontaneous comments have made me almost fall out of my chair.
For all the times having you around has never made me feel, even for a single second, that I am alone in this crazy city.
For all the times you have spent on the phone with me while I cried my heart out.
For all the times you have just simply been there when I needed you, not matter how sick you felt.
For all the times you have called me to say 'Hello', even if you were in other friends' company.
For all the times you have written beautiful words to describe me.
For all the times you understood my vulnerabilities.
For all the times you have sat there and genuinely thanked God that I am in your life.
For all the times that you never told me to stop talking when I discussed issues for long hours with you.
For all the times you have laughed at me when I suffered from short attention span. (FOCUS!)
For all the times you have made me feel like you really got my back.
For all the times you made me feel like I am truly loved.
For all the times that I feel that I can tell you anything and you won't judge me.
For all the times you tell me I'm not wrong for feeling a certain way.
For all the times you say, "My heart just broke for you," and in your eyes I can tell you mean it.
For all the times you let me say, 'I'm coming over,' without any hesitation.
For all the times I can just easily say, 'I'm staying here tonight', knowing you won't mind.
For all the times you make me feel like I have a home here.
For all the times you've put more food on my plate. (HERE! HAVE MORE!)
For all the times you laugh when I harass Gijaji. (Your poor husband. Awww)
For all the times you turn into the wiser older sister and remind me that my day will come.
For all the times you start your sentences with, "Oh my Gawd... let me tell ya," when you're about to tell me something really exciting.
For all the times you make your funny South Park faces, which I laugh at like I'm seeing it for the first time.
For all the times you let me be the silly pubescent girl when I check out guys and just roll your eyes and simply say, 'Oh Lord!"
For all the times that we are so loud and silly when we're walking down the street together that others are laughing at us, and with us and envying our friendship and happiness at that moment.
For all the times your eyes get really big when we check out guys and you simply say, "how YOU doin?!"
For all the deep thoughts and your wise words
For all your knowledge on Islam and Allah and stories which help me and heal me.
For all the times you share your family's stories with me, making me feel like I'm a part of the family.
For every time you say, 'My Mom was asking about you."
For all the time you've welcomed me in your home with your family.
For all the time you told me your cousins were jealous of me because we're such close friends.
For all the times you say, 'I can't believe you will not be here for my birthday or New Years'.
For all the times we've spent together talking non-stop at Sheesha Palace.
For all the times where we never run out of things to say.
For all the times you have shared your friends' stories with me, making me feel like I already know them.
For all the times you make me feel like I'm a part of...you.

For all of that, and more, and for just being you...Thank you.

Rubina Loves Me! She Weavy Weavy Loves Me!

So the situation is this, my girl is leaving Dec 18th for Paki-land. SHE'S LEAVING!!!!! Holy Moly Mother of God HELP.

This is why this proves to be such a problem. My girl is my every day sanity. She's about the only person that I can look at and think to myself "Okay" and breath out a deep sigh. She makes it a habit of stalking me on Facebook, AIM, phone, blackberry and whatever other mode of communication there is. She comes by when we fight so that I can't avoid her (which I wouldn't anyhow) and she goes and buys me Aleve when I'm running a temperature cause she sees it in my eyes and won't take my protests as an excuse. She goes 'awww honey' and means it, and when I cry, she cries with me. She sits and listens to my rantings, she makes me laugh when I don't want to, she makes me cry when I don't think I will. I can be totally silly with her, I can be totally serious with her and I can be totally philosophical when there was no expectancy of being so. Her smile makes me smile, her tears make my eyes wet and there is a sense of total completeness when I'm with her that is rare indeed.

So the big question is, from Dec 18th on till sometime in February, what shall I do? Fuck.

: (

(Courtesy of http://binau.blogspot.com/)


My Response:

I CANNOT believe you leave for Hong Kong THE DAY I get back from my trip...2 months without you to keep me sane. What the hell am I going to do?!??!

=(

FUCK!

I LOVE MY MOM!

Me: I got the package.
Mom: Already?
Me: When was it supposed to come to me?
Mom: They said Friday.
Me: Oh.
Mom: Your facial stuff is in there. Read the instructions carefully, those products are expensive.
Me: Yup.
Mom: I got you two tops to wear on your jeans for your trip. Tell me how you like them, I'll go get more if you need more.
Me: Okay.
Mom: I put a ten dollar bill in there for you for lunch.
Me: *butterflies in belly*
Me: *giggles*

An adventure through stupid land, According to Rubina

The night was unexpected.

She was online with me and suddenly she said she wanted to meet me for coffee...in my brainless eager way I said "SURE!".

Unfortunately I couldn't tear myself away until an hour after she had arrived at Starbucks. When I walked in she looked so comfy cozy in her pink sweater and jeans, legs propped up on a small table, laptop resting on her knees. I felt an instantaneous feeling of comfort.

I ordered us coffee and since there was no seating outside, we walked to the Army/Navy Memorial. Of course she almost broke her foot and spilled hot coffee on herself in the process and while I had a good laugh, she laughed harder when I practically left my shoe in a grate. Okay, this is so typical of the two of us, it's not even funny. As she said later in the night, "seperate we're completely normal people, put us together and we're idiots." SOOOO TRUE!

Anyhow, there in the memorial bundled up in our coats sipping coffee amidst the gurgling of the water fall behind us, I fiilled her in on the happenings in the last few days. I can't seem to not do that w/her. She has to know. After which we howled about men for about a half hour and then we went back to my office so I could finish up some work.

In the meantime, in my office, she proceeded to take lots of pictures of herself on my phone. Why? Cause she does things like this and because 'you never know' when a picture of your hot friend may come in handy.

I gave her a persimmon which she looked at with her head tilted to the side, question in her eyes. "How do I eat this?"

I looked at her. "You're not seriously asking me this question right?"

She blinked again. "Seriously, do I just...bite?"

We ended up splitting it. Then we crammed ourselves into my car.

Destination: Sheesha Palace
Anticipated driving time: 5 minutes
ACTUAL driving time: 20 minutes

Hell. Just hell.

We basically went around in circles, around and around...and around. Fucking we couldn't seem to figure out what hellish exit would take us to Crystal City but we knew that it was THERE...JUST THERE. The Pentagon cop must have seen us twice at least as we zoomed around the loops mindlessly taking any exit willy nilly. Finally genius beside me said, "go towards Reagan."

Okay...again, where? Huh??? WTF!!! ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE????

Now, we're here, only 20 minutes after departing sucking down sheesha at unnatural rates. What's new? This is just another one of our many journey's through stupid land.

What the hell will I do w/o her for a whole 3 months?

--Courtesy of http://binau.blogspot.com/--

Tree

To dream that you are traveling, represents the path toward your life goals. It also parallels your daily routine and the way you progress. If your travels come to an end, then it symbolizes successful completion of your goals.
To dream that you are traveling in a car filled with people, signifies that you will make new and fun friends and exciting adventures.

To see lush green trees in your dream, symbolizes new hopes, growth and desires. It also implies strength and stability. You are concentrating on your own self-development and individuation.

Alone Time

Holy hell! I woke up this morning feeling so incredibly restless and irritated. I tried to figure out what was wrong with me until an hour ago when the realization hit me that I am going stir crazy. I had such a fabulous and wonderful thanksgiving filled with friends and love that I haven't had a single minute alone. Today I am going to take my Economist ... (Ew! George is on the cover, SERIOUSLY...Mr. Palestine? SERIOUSLY???) ... Where was I? Oh yea, I'm going to take my Economist and the book by Elizabeth Gilbert called 'Eat Pray Love', which I've been reading, and just sit and read ALL DAY today. Starbucks in Chinatown on 7th and E will get to know me REALLY well today, as they do every Sunday.

Cheers.

Here's to a day with myself.

Lucky me.

=)

Migraine: Day 2

Migraine Sufferers Have Different Brains

Section of Brain That Processes Pain Thicker in Migraine Sufferers

By Salynn Boyles
WebMD Medical News

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

Nov. 19, 2007 -- Researchers have identified specific differences in the brains of migraine sufferers linked to the processing of sensory information, including pain.

In earlier research, Harvard Medical School investigators used magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) to show structural differences between the brains of people with and without migraines.

Specifically, the imaging showed thickening in a specific area of the brain related to the communication of sensory processing called the somatosensory cortex (SSC).

It is not clear if migraines cause the brain changes or if the brain differences cause migraines, researcher Nouchine Hadjikhani, MD, of the Martinos Center for Biomedical Imaging at Massachusetts General Hospital tells WebMD.

"That is the big question," she says. "A person could be born with these cortical differences, making them susceptible to migraines later in life. But we just don't know."

Migraines and the Brain

In the newly reported imaging study, researchers compared the brains of 24 people with migraines and 12 people without them. They found that the SSC was an average of 21% thicker in migraine sufferers. The thickness changes were especially pronounced in the part of the SSC related to sensation of the head and face.

Most study participants with migraines had experienced the severe headaches since childhood, suggesting that long-term stimulation of this sensory area of the brain could lead to structural changes, Hadjikhani says.

The study is published in the Nov. 20 online issue of the journal Neurology.

Other studies have also shown differences in cortex thickness in patients with multiple sclerosis and Alzheimer's disease.

But it is also possible that the structural changes precede migraines and actually cause them to occur.

Hadjikhani and colleagues hope to shed light on this 'chicken and egg' conundrum in a much larger study.

Imaging studies on young children who are at high risk for having migraines later in life because their mother or father had them may also help answer the question of which comes first.

"If we already see these changes in children who have never had a headache in their life, that will tell us something," she says.

Whatever the outcome, it is increasingly clear that the brain's sensory processing center plays an important role in migraines.

Treat Migraines Aggressively

It is also now clear that the brains of migraine sufferers are different from those of people without the severe headaches.

In an unrelated study, researcher Mark C. Kruit, MD, and colleagues from Leiden University in the Netherlands identified tiny brain lesions in the brains of a significant percentage of migraine sufferers who underwent MRI.

In an interview with WebMD in 2004, Kruit predicted that the imaging studies would "change the common perception that migraine is a trivial problem with only transient symptoms."

The studies also point to the importance of aggressively treating migraines, Hadjikhani says, to both prevent the headaches from occurring and to manage the pain when they do occur.

She reasons that if frequent migraines cause structural damage to the brain, having fewer migraines and migraines with less intense pain may prevent this damage from happening.

"It is important not to let the pain get out of hand," she says.

Pain: Day 2

Learn About What Happens During a Migraine

Migraine Headache Symptoms

Symptoms vary from person to person and from migraine to migraine. Five phases can often be identified:

• Prodrome: A variety of warnings can come before a migraine. These may consist of a change in mood (for example, feeling “high,” irritable, or depressed) or a subtle change of sensation (for example, a funny taste or smell). Fatigue and muscle tension are also common
  
  
• Aura: This is commonly a visual disturbance that precedes the headache phase. Some migraineurs develop blind spots (called scotomas); see geometric patterns or flashing, colorful lights; or lose vision on one side (hemianopsia).
  
  
• Headache: Although migraine pain usually appears on one side of the head, 30-40% of migraines occur on both sides. Throbbing pain may be present. More than 80% of migraineurs feel nauseated, and some vomit. About 70% become sensitive to light (photophobia) and sound (phonophobia). This phase may last 4-72 hours.
  
  
• Headache termination: Even if untreated, the pain usually goes away with sleep.
  
  
• Postdrome: Other signs of the migraine (for example, inability to eat, problems with concentration, or fatigue) may linger after the pain has disappeared.

God Bless Your Parents!

Me: *walking by noticing the sleek black SUV and sniper guys*
Guy # 1: *gets out of passenger side*
Guy # 2: *gets out of the driver side*
Me: *continues walking*
Me: *stops*
Me: *turns around*
Me: *smiles*
Guy # 1: *smiles*
Me: By the way...
Guy # 1: Yes?
Me: This whole SUV, the outfit, the whole look...
Guy # 1: Yes?
Me: Just wanted to let you know, its sexy as hell.
Guy # 1: oh...Thanks!
Guy # 2: *just standing there grinning*
Me: *turns around*
Me: *continues to walk to Union Station*

Ironic

I used to always walk on the National Mall or go have coffee on the White House lawn whenever I felt down and out here to remind myself why I'm in this city and motivate myself.

Today, I don't want to leave my apartment because going outside and looking at the dome of the Capitol, the senate buildings, Union Station, Chinatown, Dupont...will only remind me of how this city is not letting me be a part of it and I know I'll just cry in public (again).

I don't want to leave my place today.

I feel so beaten down today.

One thing after another.

I can't handle it.

I'm done.

A side of me nobody sees, according to Rubina

The tears came so unexpectedly. One minute they weren’t there, the next they shimmered like unexpected guests in her eyes.

I had been sitting there with her for awhile, our talk familiar. We could revisit the same topic 100,000 times yet it never seemed enough. We knew it was cathartic to us, even if it wasn’t particularly useful. Maybe the tears weren’t so startling. Maybe we both knew that they needed to come.

I should have expected them now that I think about it since from the second I saw her standing outside my office, I immediately noted how lonely she looked standing in the middle of the sidewalk giving me a weak smile. She told me that she was tired from walking around the city all day showing her guest around town yet there was more…something about those saucer sized eyes of her. They not only reflected her exhaustion but a certain weariness of the soul, her sorrow, her repressed sadness.

We grabbed coffee, found seats outside in the beautiful warmish/coolish evening, settling down for a good chat. She spoke of being content, of being glad with all that had transpired in the last few days. She said that she had come to a certain understanding and that she was good. I believed her this time. I knew she was good and that even if the enormity of what had happened hadn’t yet settled in, it would and soon. She needed that moment to sit and talk about it, to ponder and mull and figure things out. I was happy to be there for her.

Her eyes are truly the mirrors of her soul. Those eyes of hers…those damn eyes…they spoke volumes of her inner struggles and pains. And when the tears fell, like mercury glittering in the light of the street lamps, her head tipped forward to an angle so that they did not run down her cheeks, her index finger knuckle swiping them away as if they didn’t belong there, that they were unwanted.

The tears fell only for seconds, moments even. Yet in those moments, she was more vulnerable than any other moments that we’ve shared together. Of course there were plenty of such similar instances where I saw the soft vulnerability show itself, peaking around the corner of her exaggerated laughter, loud voice, silly bantering but this time it was different. The shadows of night half hid her face and to me, she looked so lost and exposed with her long hair pulled back into a ponytail. My heart broke for her. She’s a woman, a woman learns to accept and push back the pain and smile through it and even wish well those who caused her nothing but unimaginable heartache."

One day, her tears will be rewarded, every single last one of them. Allah will send to her someone who deserves the unbelievable woman that she is and he will be the man who looks at her and murmurs to himself, "I'm the luckiest SOB on earth." And I know without a doubt, he will be.

My Gay Muslim Husband

WrOngdOerZ: *poke*
WrOngdOerZ: *poke*
WrOngdOerZ: *poke*
WrOngdOerZ: *poke*
HeresUrSign425: *heehee!*
HeresUrSign425: *heehee!*
HeresUrSign425: *heehee!*
HeresUrSign425: *heehee!*
HeresUrSign425: how are you, my love??
WrOngdOerZ: *blows hearts in the air*
WrOngdOerZ: *butterflies in belly*
WrOngdOerZ: *thinking of your face*
WrOngdOerZ: *smiles*
WrOngdOerZ: *missing you*
HeresUrSign425: awww
HeresUrSign425: *smiles, stares longingly...*
HeresUrSign425: BAM! *OUCH!!!*
HeresUrSign425: one of your hearts hit me in the eye
WrOngdOerZ: *walks up and kisses your eye*
WrOngdOerZ: *muah*
HeresUrSign425: hehe awww
WrOngdOerZ: tee hee
WrOngdOerZ: *giggles*
WrOngdOerZ: *giggles*
WrOngdOerZ: i wuv youuuuuuuuuuuuuu
WrOngdOerZ: *blink blink blink blink*
HeresUrSign425: i love you tooooooooooooo
WrOngdOerZ: *blink*
WrOngdOerZ: *blink*
HeresUrSign425: haha are you batting your eyes at me?
WrOngdOerZ: *walks up to you*
WrOngdOerZ: *blink*
WrOngdOerZ: *blink*
WrOngdOerZ: *smiles*
HeresUrSign425: oh my God....
HeresUrSign425: I'm cured!
HeresUrSign425: I'm in love with a girl!
WrOngdOerZ: *reaches up*
WrOngdOerZ: *puts hand back*
WrOngdOerZ: BITCH SLAPS YOUR HEAD...
WrOngdOerZ: where the HELL have you been!
WrOngdOerZ: and why have you ignored me?
HeresUrSign425: hell hath no fury...

Oh Mushy! Boy Blue! Flower Boy!

LOVE LOVE LOVE this weeks' cover of my Economist!

...

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath...

-Regina Spektor-

...

i have nothing to say. disappearing for a bit.

ciao.

...

This is what they used it for...

Here's the original with subtitles.

This has always been my song.

The narcissistic freak in me pretends that this song was written especially for her. This is my song.
It has always been my song. I can never get sick of it.

We're Washingtonians!

WOO HOO! Its official! Lolita and I are D.C. residents.

Ode to Regina

THE COOLEST BESTEST AND GREATEST mail carrier.

I LOVE HER!

She went to the depths of hell and back and FOUND my package in a sweet little corner...crying, waiting for me.

I LOVE HER!

I HAVE MY PASSPORT!

PRAISE GOD!