Uh Huh

**I love how some friends of mine who have no clue about my migraine issue are so clueless that its funny. Here's a recent phone conversation between me and her**

Her: You're not coming out tonight?
Me: No. I'm recovering from my migraine and I don't need to be in that atmosphere.
Her: You've had two migraines in a week now.
Me: Uh-huh.
Her: That's not good.
Me: Uh-huh.
Her: You should get some medicine.
Me: Uh-huh.
Her: You should go see a doctor.
Me: Uh-huh.
Her: Have you ever had an MRI?
Me: Uh-huh.
Her: Wow. That's not good dude.
Me: Uh-huh.
Her: No. I'm serious! You should *really* go see a doctor.
Me: *rolls eyes* Uh-huh.

bah!

Incredibly cranky today.

...

I was watching TV and they showed a spot for this show on there and someone said, "She's the kind of woman who turns into the Alpha male whenever she's around a bunch of guys," and that sentence TOTALLY reminded me of YOU!
--Tom--

Virginia Tech

Could've been anywhere on any campus. I feel sick to my stomach watching the news and I can't even fathom what it was like. God help us all and protect us all from that fate. So disturbing.

I know...

I've become incredibly stuck up. I'm still the same me. I just don't feel like giving right now and am in my own world and don't want to be everyone's 'wonderwall' like I have been in the past. I am emotionally exhausted and don't feel like giving. So right now my warmth is gone. My emotions are drained and one will not find the 'sisterly love' that they are looking for with me. They will find an impatient, bitter, bitchy, in a hurry, selfish, to the point blunt woman right now. And I'm fine with that. I don't owe anyone anything right now. I don't do anything I don't want to do right now. I don't feel remorse right now. I don't feel warmth right now. I don't feel cozy and butterflies in my belly right now. I don't feel like I have to please anyone or am responsible for making anyone smile right now. I don't babysit right now. I am not the sister that people should turn to for advice right now. I am not the sweet person that will guide people right now. I am not the sunshine in anyone's life right now. I am not the warmth that people will seek right now. I am not the sweetness that will genuinely talk right now. I am just...blase. I'm just trying to make it through today. I'm just trying to figure out what I need to do tomorrow. I'm just trying to live. And if people *do* try to talk to me about *their* stuff...I find myself getting annoyed and losing patience. Because I don't want to deal with THEIR life or THEIR emotions or what's bothering THEM...because right now I'm trying to deal with what's going on with ME...and trying to keep MYSELF happy. I'm trying to NOT be sucked in that hopeless pit where I find out that I'm literally losing hair. That I have that restless feeling that won't go away. Where I worry about stuff for no reason. Where I am walking around my earthquake and I can't put things back together. I am trying so hard to take it one day at a time that if someone even TRIES to put anything negative towards me, even if its about THEM, it makes me lose my patience. I don't have time for this. I don't have time to sit and babysit ANYONE. I just want to enjoy myself. I just want to be satisfied with my day. I just want to get through a day. I just want to be...

just let me be.

I don't feel like giving. I've been giving for a couple of month now and it got me nowhere. I am drained. I don't feel like giving anymore to ANYONE. I am being selfish and being stuck-up and being snotty. YES. I know. I am being arrogant. And I don't care. Other people do it to me all the time. It's about time I give the same attitude back.

Leave me alone. I don't want to hear about your issues. I have enough of my own.

December 28, 2002

I remember this moment. I remember it well. I remember exactly what I was thinking at that very second. That's why I was crying. I'll never forget this moment. I remember it well.

Song of the Month

Yang: Where are your 'song of the month' e-mails?
Me: ::blink blink::
Yang: I haven't had new music from you in a long time. You're behind. Get to it.
Me: Oh.

William Shatner and Allergies

WrOngdOerZ: i was so restless all night. i'm so sleepy

Queenie161: me too'

WrOngdOerZ: i was up all night

Queenie161: are you ready for a super fun night tonight!

WrOngdOerZ: right now i'm going to take a benadryl and take a nap. my leg is still red and itchy. i think i am allergic to whatever bug bit me

Queenie161: well get better, because we gots to party tonight!

WrOngdOerZ: this happenend to me last summer here and i showed them at the pharmacy and she said...you are allergic to whatever bug is biting you...take a benadryl

WrOngdOerZ: and my leg..the back of it...by my ankle...is red...welty

Queenie161: you're typing is very dramatic

WrOngdOerZ: huh?

Queenie161: when I read it, I want to do a William Shatner impression

WrOngdOerZ: LOL

Queenie161: the bug...bit...my leg

WrOngdOerZ: hahaah

Queenie161: ::long pause::

WrOngdOerZ: HAHAHAHHA

WrOngdOerZ: actually those are my *thinks* pause

WrOngdOerZ: "how do i describe it?"pause

Queenie161: haha

WrOngdOerZ: OK

WrOngdOerZ: its NOT a bug bite. sitting here i just had a red welt show up randomly in front of my leg... by the ankle on the front...its allergies

WrOngdOerZ: i need to take a benadryl. that quessadilla had something in it...or some shrimp or seafood that must've been touching it or SOMETHING cause since that night my leg has had WELTS and itching

Queenie161: go to the doctor

WrOngdOerZ: no its allergies and i need benadryl

WrOngdOerZ: my mom gets it that's why i know what it is

Queenie161: that's over the counter

WrOngdOerZ: yea i have it

WrOngdOerZ: it's ... allergies ...seafood ... bugs .... woe...is... me :::william shatner:::

Queenie161: hahaha

Playing Hookie

I got a phone call from Ali around 1:00 p.m. today after he had lunch with Teresa in Dupont. I told him how I had a late start today and was cleaning and working on getting some laundry done and contemplating getting started on my second paper. He told me he didn't want to go back to the office and I suggested that we go for a walk on the National Mall. He told he he'd be at my place soon and was going to call Yang to see what he was up to today. Next thing I know, I'm in Yang's car wondering how it went from being dark Green to Oriental Blue (No phun intended but that is REALLY the name of that color) and we were heading towards Georgetown. Yang's car has always been Blue...for some reason I've alway thought it was dark green since I've only been out and about with him in his car at night.

HOOKIE!

We so blew off the whole day and what we all had to do and went to the waterfront. I was walking locked arms with Ali on one side and Yang on the other telling them that I felt like such a pimpette hangin' out with two men today. "Yea, usually that's me with you and Teresa," Ali said. It took a while for us to decide where to eat since every restaurant on the waterfront is a seafood restaurant. I told them it would be so ridiculous for me to walk into a seafood place and say 'Yea hi i have seafood allergies so I'll just eat the lettuce, Thanks." We finally walked by a place and I saw a woman eating a burger and felt hopeful about my food situation. Which was good because by this time I was famished!

We had a nice late lunch (Ali had soup) and enjoyed the 15 minute rain storm, going inside just before it hit. The server brought out a bottle of Tobasco Sauce and Ali says, "OH NO! And this time they brought out the big bottle!" He was making fun of my last burger and tobasco episode where I basically drank the sauce with my burger. After much discussion of how Ali can get away with murder since Yang is allergic to Soy Sauce and I'm allergic to Seafood...and trying to figure out WHY O WHY would there be such a thing as a "Curry Martini", we headed to the Sheesha place in Crystal City. On the way back Yang says, "Do you need to go to the grocery store?" I swear, it was as if he had read my mind. So then Daniel and I went grocery shopping. I came back and watched Scrubs with Sarah and now am going to finish the laundry I had left in the washer earlier today. Tomorrow is Yoomie's birthday party celebration! YEAAAAAA for a fun-filled weekend! Then Saturday is the Cherry Blossom Parade in Downtown! My camera will be busy this weekend! I'll get the second paper started...ummm...eventually.

I loved playing Hookie!

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa for my day out with my dudes!

...

Sometimes...Sometimes.

Singing to myself today...

Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own
So don't buy in.
Live right now
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough
For someone else

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in the middle of a ride
Everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright
Alright

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in the middle of a ride
Everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright
Alright

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just do your best,
Do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in the middle of a ride
Everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright
Alright

--Jimmy Eat World--
In the Middle

Hospital

4 hours at the hospital, lots of crying, lots of pain and an imitrex shot later. I can finally rest. What a heinous Sunday it has been.

...

"Dont make someone a priority if they only make you an option."
--Anonymous--

who needs to write 40 pages when you can say it in a sentence?

Allow me to break down the heinous-wretched research papers:

Is Democracy Possible in Islam? By Nefertiti
"Yes, but they hate it even more when it's America's idea. The End."

U.S. Foreign Policy and Human Rights Issues in China: By Nefertiti
"Economic gains outweigh human rights issues in China. The End."

U.S.-China Security: By Angie
"They're so economically involved it's almost impossible that they'll nuke each other. The End."

Risk Analysis: By Scott
"One day, we all will eventually die. The End

Kiss my Ass AU.

Harem

Brad: I have changed my name now to Ahmadinabrad.
Boo: Nefertiti approves of your name change and welcomes you to her harem.

Row

When there's no wind; row.
--Proverb--

I forgot I had this taped to the inside of my closet door in Arizona. This has always inspired me. When I saw it again on the first day visiting home in March, it made me smile and think of my situation here in D.C. That's what I'm doing . I'm trying so hard so hard not to fail. I can't be a failure. I'm rowing.

Uncle

My Great-Uncle in Pakistan passed away today. I pray for his wife and his children. I pray for peace in their hearts. I pray for peace in my Grandfather's heart. I remember him...growing up around him and his family and 2 summers ago when I was in Pakistan. I remember his hearty laugh. His love for his family. His love for his wife and how he'd flirt with her as if they were newlyweds. How he'd tell people that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. How he would be so proud of his sons. How he protected his daughter. He was a good father. An honorable man who loved his friends and family and did everything in his power to make them happy. The men in my Grandfathers' family are famously known for being loving, loyal and faithful to their wives and family. I remember that about him. I remember it. I remember him well.

Rest in Peace. May Allah Bless your soul.

Love is a Temporary State of Insanity

I was sitting outside at Starbucks today enjoying this gorgeous weather D.C. has blessed us with when I noticed the cutest little dog hangin' out with some kids a couple of tables diagonal to the right from me. I assumed the dog was a boy. He was the cutest little thing, obviously still a little pup. Curiously barking at a bird the hopped by and playing with the kids' bags next to him. I was smiling at him wishing that I could walk over and say "Hi" to this furry ball of cuteness that had taken my attention away from my reading. Then my view of him went from butterflies in my belly to annoyance.

Lady # 1 sat down at the table, diagonal to the left, with her cute little puppy who looked like a girl to me. . The puppy to my right started barking like crazy and wanting to go play with the puppy on the left. I smiled and turned to the person next to me and said, "He definitely must be a guy." We both laughed at the events unfolding of how the puppy on the right wanted to play with the puppy on the left who was sitting on the ground calmly with her owner.

Then it all changed.

The puppy on the right kept barking at the puppy on the left wanting to go over and play with her but his leash would only allow him to go halfway. Then Lady # 2 walks by with a tiny white poodle on a leash. And the puppy on the right stopped barking and instead goes up and starts getting curious with her and sniffing her and forgot all about the puppy on the left.

That whole scenario was too familiar to me. Puppy on right can't get to puppy that far away on the left so he instead decides to walk up to the one that is accessible to his leash.

My lesson of the day: Men are only as loyal as their options.

Moon

It's a full moon in the night sky tonight. Didn't you know? I am the moon.

Leaving Me

I used to be lunatic from the gracious days
I used to be woebegone and so restless nights
My aching heart would bleed for you to see
Oh but now...
(I don't find myself bouncing round whistling
and fortunes to make me cry)
No more "I love you's"
The language is leaving me

The language is leaving me in silence



--Annie Lennox--